8 January 2017 – Week 2.
I am sitting here in 2017 – turning 31 in a few months and I am just struggling to understand what happened to the last 13 years.
I know my tell-tale signs enough to know I am heading towards a bit of a melt-down. I have had rotten moments this week, I have been quick to anger and slow to forgive. I have been agitated, some days I have found myself spitting my words out, using all the energy I have just to leave the house. Silently retreating once I am home. Neglecting my Husband. Not responding to messages, not feeling elated.
The crows are picking at my brain and I don’t have a good handle on my emotions. I know this. I know I am not being very pleasant to be around. So, I read. I read and I go to the gym and I read again.
The book I chose this week was to be a book turned into a movie. I chose Still Alice as I had seen the movie with Julianne Moore and had loved it. I also thought to myself I think I need a release, I need to have a cry.
Goodreads Challenge: Book 2- Still Alice by Lisa Genova.
I read ‘Still Alice’ by Lisa Genova. This was my ‘a book turned into a movie’ for my reading challenge. What a beautiful, wonderfully written book it was. A book which absolutely ripped my heart out (in the most beautiful way?).Lisa Genova is also an American Neuroscientist as well as an Author. Lisa’s writing is beautiful, her obvious knowledge and respect for the matter at hand
“I can’t stand the thought of looking at you someday, this face I love, and not knowing who you are.” ― Lisa Genova,
Alice is a 50 year old Linguistics Professor, diagnosed with early onset familial Alzheimers.Alice is a linguistics professor, her language is beyond important to her, it is who she is. Alice has published thesis’ to her name and has developed her life and career and name around language, language which she is now losing.
My attention was drawn to how we, as people self-serve when it comes to protecting ourselves from and/or preparing for the worst. The actions we take and the ways in which we speak and treat others will stay with us always. I for one want the majority of my memories to be of kind moments, of beautiful moments.
Still Alice has some morality issues in it for sure, particularly in terms of when does / or should somebody lose a say in their own treatment and future. Alice knows exactly what is happening to her brain, which makes it all the more upsetting. Needless to say, this book left me an absolute wreck.
The most uncomfortable part of reading this book, is realising that this condition cannot be cured, it cannot be reversed. At best, with the right medical treatment, it may be stalled somewhat.
So- my take away from this book:
There were a few sections of this book which brought reality crashing down around me, the tears sprung up and the upset was front and centre. I love my family and friends so very much, like we all do. I put so much energy into fights and arguments and then taking days to forgive. I HAVE to stop doing this. Arguments and upset should be acknowledged, sure, but the battle lines in the sand and the three days of torment must stop. What if I get older and lose my memory, yet my brain decides to keep the bad memories? The arguments, the fights, the time spent alone being upset.
Love your tribe and love them hard, do NOT hold back in showing them/telling them and making sure they know what they mean to you and why.
Losing my memory and forgetting my loved ones is one of my worst fears. I love my photographs and my memories and my friends and families, I don’t think I would cope if I was diagnosed with Alzheimers. I definitely could not cope if my Mother, Brother, Sister or Husband was diagnosed.
Cherish every little thing, or person, habit or tradition you have. Own your memories and appreciate them. Our brain has been clever enough to save the ones we have for a reason. Think of your favourite memories, moments and flashbacks in time…a smell, an event, a kiss, words spoken – cherish them. Love your people and tell them and show them how much you love them.
If you would like to know more about Alzheimer’s, click here.